Loving someone

Loving someone isn’t what you show to the world

It’s what you do in the darkest of nights

It’s when you’re both so tired of fighting

But the phone keeps on ringing.

Loving someone isn’t easy

Like poetry or Hollywood stories

Loving is hard

But isn’t that the best part?

t.l.

Women’s Day

Women’s Day

one in a three six five

so my mum can dress up nicely

and go out to fancy lunch

so people can say things like,

“treat her well” …

she kept the family together

like a paperweight

with only skin and bone

she swears to carry the pain to her grave

I wonder if a man got praised

and rewarded once a year

will there be a Masculinity Wave?

Women have been fighting for this 100 years

they told us,

that we cannot be fierce

that we cannot be strong

that we belong in the kitchen

didn’t we prove them wrong?

we are made of thunders, of lightnings and ocean tides

we are daring, fearless, and kind

we know we are stronger, together

maybe one day, we can have all three six five days

to call our own.

t.l.

Sunsets

I remember those quizzes

in the school magazine

Are you a dog or a cat person?

Do you like sunset or sunrise?

Who is your friend and who is your enemy?

I love all the hypotheses, all the possibilities

I live in their imaginative world, and choose

not to face my own realities

I used to love the beauty and melancholy aspects

of sunsets, and the idea of solitude as a way

of true happiness, if I tell myself

“you’re sad but that’s so poetic”

then maybe they will find that, aesthetic.

Like ice-cream,

a smile would be a luxury

I only treated myself on Sundays.

it was how I dealt with pain

I kept them around to keep myself sane

I’d rather build walls and swim away from shore

than letting anyone in when it rains 

now my door is unlocked, my window is wide open

I see the stars, the dancing trees, and the burning Sun

a hermit crab left the ocean to set life on land

they grow and find bigger houses to call home

Now I smile and pat myself on the shoulder

hug my inner child as she grew stronger

Pain is inevitable

but it’s not all that I am.

t.l.

Fear

Since when did I learn how to be afraid

Was it the time I fell down my bike when I was 7

Was it when my mum told me I was “chubby”

Was it when I know that I was hated

by the whole class in fifth grade?

I used to be fearless, I used to not care too much

but I was told to be quiet

I was told to look around, to read the room

if people are smiling, I should smile back

if I love my family, I should not go out to play

I should stay and ask if everyone is okay

So I learned how to care properly

I counted my steps and polished my shoes

I read the whole room before I entered it

I can be nice. I can be sensitive, too.

In the end, I care too much

I care if someone will see me fall

I care if I didn’t call back and say sorry

I care if those strangers will laugh at me

I care (fear) if someone else is unhappy

Forgetting that I was.

t.l.

Existential questions

I almost forgot who I was yesterday

What did I wear, did I say

something I don’t mean to

was I myself more the day before

than I am today?

What defines us as human

when will we experience the concept of happiness

is it our mission, to run towards the burning Sun

to love, and hate, and fight, and do it all over again.

What will happen when we leave this Earth?

will we go to another timeline

or get stuck in this one forever

Are we in control of our own lives

or are we living in someone’s stimulation?

All the questions without answers

like how the trees are green

and how human like to preen on their own feathers

and how I choose to live without pleasing others.

t.l.

Smile for the Camera

I remembered when I was much younger

I used to run away and hide

when people gathered for a group photo

I remember my mum putting lipstick on me

fixed my hair and told me to smile

I remembered feeling so awkward, standing

next to those other kids with shiny hair,

bright-coloured clothes and of course

a big grin on their face

My family used to think

I’m incapable of smiling naturally

for the camera

my sister said 2 out of 3 pictures

I would be closing my eyes

so she took more and more

maybe I am socially awkward

maybe I can only smile when I saw a puppy

on the street or when I looked up to the sky

and realized how blue it is

yes, I will be smiling

more to my loved ones

more to myself

more to those who are kind to me

and less for the flashlight

of a camera.

t.l.