just for you

you said i was too lucky

to never have to walk

until my heels bleed,

hear the sounds of fighter planes

going above my roof,

run against the bombs

drizzling down the woods

and pray to God that

“don’t take me away today”.

i was not you

so i wouldn’t know how to say

sorry for the 4000 times

and still make the sky cry,

i was not you

so i wouldn’t know what it’s like

to be brave when being so close to death,

i was not you

so how could i know

that the man is always forgiven

and the woman always take the blame.

i was not you

so i wouldn’t understand why

you’d go outside catching butterflies

when we built a forest inside

just for you

just for you.

t.l.

i was not you

i never wanted to be.

Intense

i had the best dream today

someone was telling me

my poetry, they are intense

i asked, is that good?

they said, without being so intense

how else could you let yourself know

these are the realest thing you could feel.

so, i kept telling myself

that being intense doesn’t mean bad

being sentimental doesn’t mean weak

and that writing about unrealistic thing

doesn’t mean i wasn’t living.

No is the hardest word that you must learn to say

every day you drove around town

stopping the wind with bare hands

trying to hold sand but they always

manage to leave you empty, in the end.

your name is precious, say it with pride

why do you live for others and not yourself?

don’t you know unhappiness is toxic yet addicting

please, learn to say no

step out of that burning house

before your skin becomes somebody else.

if the wolves are always hungry and manipulative,

why do you still let them in?

you want to torture yourself, don’t you?

look at yourself in the mirror

don’t you recognize her anymore

convince yourself money will fix things

but would it fix the pain inside your chest

would it fix the 3am cry

or the “I don’t know what to do with life”?

there’s something so self-destructive yet poetic

about carving your name on the sand

and wait for the next wave to hit again.

t.l.

aren’t we all stuck somewhere

with the exit sign right next to us?

1am

“1h rồi, Thanh ngủ đi”

– it’s 1am, go to sleep Thanh.

sometimes a simple sentence

can give you all the emotions at once

it makes your body melt,

scatter around in pieces

waiting to be put together again.

when your emotional train has left the station

and the depressive thoughts came crushing down

like hail, like firestorms,

the only thing that held you by the collar

is her half awake voice, telling you that

after the tsunami, the trees learn to stand taller

the roots grow stronger and when you finally

open your eyes, you will see, it’s a beautiful life

that is worth living after all.

t.l.

accepting

someone said i am the accepting type

it’s better to be quiet

and stare at the tiles

agreeing with what they said

than to challenge them with heated words

to tell them things you didn’t mean

to be angry, and lose it before

the glass hits the floor

i’m good like that

accepting my fate

going with the flow

there’s nothing i hate

more than going up against the stream

and then ended up dying where i started.

t.l.

quiet

your body shaken when you sleep

everything is still, like a piece

of exam paper, i feel the air

moving around me, so intensely

so thick, it could swallow me

people are laughing on the streets

the ones staying on the upper level are home

i turn to kiss you goodnight

you were right, there’s an immense sadness

creeping inside my lungs, taking away my breath

every minute of the day, i wanna escape

this reality – these pressures to be good

to stop chasing after the stars

to glue your feet to the ground

and learn to be quiet.

t.l.

happy fucking new year

i feel like my time is near

every year, when the fireworks shot up

across the dark sky and people were cheering

drinking, kissing, wishing, hoping

“New year. New me”

and once again,

i felt like my time is running out.

i felt a deeper misery

a subtle emptiness, a desire to disappear

it’s like i was paying my dues

like the Cinderella always forgot

that her precious moments only lasted

until twelve, and all these fancy clothes

all the love, all the happiness

will start to fade..

so every day,

when the clock strikes midnight

i’ll wake from this dream

and relive it again, being punished

for not letting myself be happy.

t.l.

until I learned how to be happy

I couldn’t escape this reality

tiny rocks

unfinished poem

i don’t know what to say

when i wanted to die

it’s so easy to fake a smile

practice it until you perfected it

i smiled behind my mask

so i could do the same in front of them

the sky is on fire

i wanted to jump out of the moving car

wait, i haven’t finished work today

so maybe not today

maybe another day

i still am happy, right?

nothing i do is meaningless, right?

there’s something wrong with me

don’t i know it?

if i surrounded myself with happy people

maybe i will be able to feel the genuine happiness

water surges, and tiny rock disintegrates

what we couldn’t see doesn’t mean it’s not happening

slowly, like how my sadness eats into my soul

like how my poems are getting more random

slowly, as i dive deeper into my dark sides

and it’s so warm and familiar

i don’t ever wanna get out.

t.l.