Great cormorant

falling leaves travel like rain

on your cheeks when you ride the bike

across the storm, they twirl and line

up the road, letting you know the arrival of fall.

the buildings are catching the last glimpse

of the Sun, kites with shapes like sea creatures

are flying across the sky, everything falls into

smaller cramped spaces and i stand here wishing

i was born a Great Cormorant,

spreading my wings across the ocean.

i often hide behind my mask, hoping no one

could tell that my eyes are watering

and my mouth is whispering,

“how to make it all stop?”

t.l.

please, don’t go

ever since i was a little kid

i never wanted people to go through my stuff

i held onto them for dear life

like they’re a part of me

maybe i’m hoarding the past

or maybe they never stopped haunting me.

but now,

my windows are opened, my safe is unlocked

everything is yours if you wanted

my words, my heart, my poems

you can have them all

as long as you’re staying.

please, leave your hair clips around the house

your scent on my bed

and your lipsticks on my cheek

so as long as your things are here,

i can hold onto to you forever.

t.l.

please, don’t go.

exit sign

exit sign on the wall

i love the melancholic pink sky at 5pm

so pretty and still, like how the sky should be

before a big hurricane

is there really a way out of insanity?

aren’t the wisest ones being called crazy?

i love the little dog on the bike

looking back at his owner,

going up against the big wind

he thought he was flying, and for a moment,

i knew what it’s like to be free.

i love stormy weather, when all emotions

are bursting out, all at once,

and i could stand in the backyard,

crying, holding a piece of me,

that still wanted to live,

telling myself that it will be

better someday soon.

t.l.

Lover

lover, why are you so nice?

please be patient with me

i’m sorry for being so shy

i didn’t know how it all works.

i’ve never let myself be happy

something just never felt right

maybe we’re all destined to be lonely

i can’t even put these words together.

life is messy, as am I

i can sharpen a spoon and turn it into a knife

but i can never stop staring into your eyes

i want you here, holding my hand.

i want you to stay, please take my heart

please, never leave

for all i know, the last leaf falls

when you no longer need me.

t.l.

everything is temporary

but please don’t take her away from me

Feather

she’s drowning again

wanting to escape, jumping

right into the whale’s mouth

one’s value isn’t defined by her ability to sing

she’s been muted since she started flying

instead of swimming ,

she’s drowning again in all her flaws

“step into the light”, they said

she re-emerges from the cloudy roads

her vision is blurry, but she’s so good at hiding

every little thing is fine, but why can’t she

stay still? running away is never an option

and so she chained her heart into a rock

and throw herself down the cliff, as quiet

as a feather, so nobody would see.

t.l.

she wishes to blend in with the sunset

and turn into the dark starless sky.

a piece of peace

i can still taste iron in my mouth

thoughts never escape, unless you’re dead

like a cockroach, no one gives sympathy

for the one who destroys things and then asks

for mercy. i know now that a lost puppy

will always miss its first owner even when

he’s living in a new house. that i can’t replace the

ones they lost, but everything is replaceable

by a younger, better version. that memories stay

in our bodies like cancer, like a virus, eating us

alive, making us miserable. but we love it so

fucking much we forget to live today. that there

are bombs that look like fireworks falling on

top of your houses, and how should you call a

tragedy that is so beautiful at the same time?

how do i sit here and think about quitting

when there are people who run away

with their pets to the shelter, trying not to quit

life, holding onto the last hope,

of being able to live for another day.

your brain is so good at create the crazy scenarios

so you can feel something other than trying to

die, but when death comes, do you run and hide?

t.l.

sharks

the water is shallow

you saw a big grey shadow

cutting through the ocean

like lightning, like a suicidal thought

you tried to tell yourself

“a dangerous situation is only what you make of it”

so you started treading waters

run as fast as you could

but there’s nothing pushing you back up

you kept drowning, swallowing the sea

trying to make yourself bigger

so you could scare off the monster

only to realize,

the shark was you all along.

so, who are you really running from?

t.l.

Poem number 297

i have stopped counting

the times i started crying

for absolutely no reason

i looked outside and saw

these familiar yet strange faces

faces of dogs going on a ride

faces of couples in love

faces of people inside the bright windows

faces of people talking in the cafe at night

faces of everyone, but mine.

i pictured myself in them, for a brief moment

i was no one, but everyone, all at once

i was happy, sad, and delighted

anxious, annoyed, and surprised

depressed, disappointed, and excited

and there i was, just existing

being, in the present

i didn’t care where i was going

because that doesn’t matter anymore

i didn’t care about what others think or feel

it’s not important because no one really cares

no. one. cares.

and I find myself smiling

for not giving a damn.

t.l.