Good at running

When it starts to get too much,

I shut down like an electrical fuse

the house turned dark and I

found myself surrounded in goodbyes.

In every room, I place a circuit

I built the whole city just to tear it down again

I’m ready, for any sudden change

from the tone of your voice

to the way your eyes look without seeing

I’m ready, for the worst things to come.

Some people said

love feels like thunderstorms

like thousands butterflies

flapping their wings at once

but I’ve caught fires between my thighs

stayed underwater and waited

for the sharks to arrive.

I don’t want to stay and see

how I may be destroyed

this time.

t.l.

30

It’s coming to me

whether I liked it

or not, it’s my biggest fear

Oh god, can I trade my tears

for the clock to go slower ?

I thought I knew her

the girl I was when I was 24

wishing her life went faster

crying in the rain at 5am

rather die young than stay the same.

She didn’t know the littlest things

could mean so much to me

being able to breathe, to sing

to see the Sun rising

and hear her heart beating.

She didn’t know

every life begins with a cry

like fire in the snow

like trying to stay afloat

when you’re sinking deeper

like a late bloom flower

I thanked her

for falling so I can stand taller.

t.l.

I’m becoming 30 soon.

Pandemic wishes from an introvert

Wish I had spent

more time in the woods

listening to leaves singing

watching the Sun dancing

than contemplating

in a 9-meter square room.

Wish I had known

how precious fresh air is

long distanced phone calls

wind-slapped face

pollen-allergic nose

busy street driving

people talking ..

Wish I had realized sooner

that staring at the ceiling

all day can make you

feel immensely lonely.

t.l.

I really wish to get out soon.

pull me up

sometimes when we got out of the pit,

we tend to forget

how dark and shallow it could be

for anyone who’s stuck at the bottom edge.

empathy and compassion

how can we feel

the pain in someone’s “imagination” ?

isn’t depression something

that’s “over our head” ?

it’s easy to ask for help

but harder to accept

someone else’s pain

is no less than ours.

t.l.

I think we all had our “bad times”. And sometimes, when we overcome something, it’s painful to let ourselves be pulled back into it. Especially when our loved ones need help, we might say, but we had it worse! We don’t want your negative energy. You’re pulling me down with you.

If only we can stop and think, we were once the same, needing to be understood, wanting to be seen.

Strangers

strangers on the page

tell me who you are

where you slept, and what you ate

are you here or are you far?

did you actually meet your fate

did you want to be a rockstar

did I lock you in a room as a bait

or make you fall in love with “Carl” (who)?

if I pushed myself hard enough

will they appear on the page

maybe I can pull them close enough

so I’ll know how to say

their names with grace.

t.l.

(trying to be a writer)

Cicadas

Night falls into darkness

swirled, danced around

the oak trees’ branches

I can hear no sound

but the beating hearts

of a thousand cicadas

longing to be loved

one last time before

they leave Earth.

funny how

these summer lovers

spent a lifetime

finding the right “forever”.

t.l.