you wanted to tame me
put blinders on my eyes
chained me, called me by new names.
you wanted me to change
not my improved self
but someone you can manage.
well, now, I break free
like a wild horse
escaped from a racing field.
now I run for myself
not for anyone else.
t.l.
what to write
what to write
if only you could read my mind
say things I’m about to say
hold me when I tell you to stay away.
t.l.
I’m so used to saying the opposite
now I don’t know which one is real.
I’m always ready to leave
I couldn’t stay long enough
for them to see the worst in me.
t.l.
they would leave me then.
I tolerate
but that doesn’t mean
you can take me for a fool.
t.l.
I need to learn how to say no
If all my miseries
were white sand,
and you were the sea.
every time you came
to wash away all that melancholy
I was happy,
I was drown in your blue
trapped in our drama, in you.
everything looks better
underwater
but we both know
the sadness never disappeared.
and every time you left,
I sat there, cold and wet
waiting for your next waves
to turn me upside down again.
t.l.
it wasn’t healthy and we both know it.
did you lose a limb
after loving her or him?
now it’s time
to grow back those arms you lost,
to regenerate into a new self.
it might take a few months
or a few years,
but you know you’ll get there
in the end.
it’s hard to pull yourself up
from the underground
but you’ll stand up tall
no matter how they pushed you down.
t.l.
The closest thing to being cared for is to care for someone else.
Carson McCullers
I’ve been thinking about what “caring” really means. Best friends said they care, family members said they care, lovers said they care, doctors said they care, even the kidnappers said they care.
But I have just realised, how much does one care and how much do we expect them to really care. What are the differences between saying that we care and acting like we really care? Do parents intervene with their children’s choices just because they “care” and want what best for their kids? Can a person care too much or care too little? Which way is better?
Or did we let our own subjective feelings and opinions shape the definition of the word “care”? Doesn’t “care” mean that we put the other person’s best interest on top? I guess care can be subjective to each individual, whether you really do care for another person, or that you think this path is the best way to solve their problems, or you think keeping distance is caring. But sometimes, it’s good to have a conversation about what other people are feeling and if our “care” really aligns with their receiving ends.
t.l.
just thinking out loud.
I’m fine
I’m fine
I’m fine.
t.l.
when will this end?
isn’t it ironic
that we sang those
heartbreaking songs
when we’re still together?
isn’t it so wrong
to love something
so melancholy,
so damaging?
they didn’t mean nothing
our love is strong and we,
we can overcome anything …
now
without you,
every song sounds like
a goodbye howl.
t.l.
The thoughts of losing you
is too much to handle
it was like a thousand needles
spearing through my heart
I can’t concentrate
my blood is boiling and
it feels like I’m
constantly jumping through fire
that’s why every grief cycle
always starts with denial stage
we will keep lying to ourselves
until our heart is ready to heal.
t.l.
(Sometimes it’s better to lie to ourselves to keep going)
Tsunami of Words 