forgiveness

you asked for forgiveness

but how could we forgive you

now that you’re gone

forever?

t.l.

today I looked back at some old photos and I saw a comment from an old friend, who took her own life 3 years ago. It’s the end for her but it never ends for us, the living. We never got the closure we wanted and selfishly, we kept her inside our minds to remind us that life is hard to keep up with, but so easy to put an end note to it.

I wanted to say that we are all worth living and even if there are times where we think it is our rock bottom and there’s no way out, look up and reach your hands to the ones who love you. And even if you think there’s noone out there, there will always be someone.

I’ve missed you, friend. and you have my forgiveness.

worthy

sometimes when you’re stuck

inside for too long,

you think it’s the only reality

that there’s no way out.

you get used to it

learn how to breathe under water

bleed yourself so you’d become lighter

cross your heart and swear “forever”.

and then you got out

into a world where there were

millions and millions of possibilities

and you are worthy

in every one of them.

t.l.

We are who we are

I don’t know what’s worse: to not know what you are and be happy, or to become what you’ve always wanted to be, and feel alone.

Daniel Keyes – Flowers for Algernon

Isn’t it obvious

that we are everything

and nothing at all?

that who we are today

isn’t who we will be tomorrow

that we’re constantly changing

and evolving

to becoming more like the selves

we want to die as.

t.l.

This quote really hits me hard. As I have accepted that I am not who I wanted to be a few years ago. I have accepted my flaws and my strength, sometimes they’re the same thing.

I know life as a writer or an artist will be a lonely road that I need to walk alone. Every time there’s a chance to be what my parents wanted me to be, I hesitate. But it won’t last. Only now that I choose to be who I am, I might be unhappy at times. But I know it’s what I really wanted.

Euphoria

I used to enjoy

those sleepless nights

where I could do anything,

wrote a hundred poems

cried myself to sleep

stood in the garden

let the suffering deepens.

I reflected, speculated

dreamed about a future

where I get better

where pain is only subtle

and I’m not suicidal.

Now I don’t enjoy insomnia

any longer,

I don’t want to get stuck

in numbness and euphoria,

I want to get off this roller coaster

I just don’t know how.

t.l.