happy new year

two-way street

where’s the beginning

is this the end?

my favourite folk song

bitter but uplifting

clinical but hopeful

isn’t that the only way to be ?

driving my bike

down the unfamiliar hill

it’s the holiday

but why everything is so empty?

firecrackers scattered on the ground

i don’t know if i should let go

both of my hands and just

let the sunset take me away

these celebratory moments

you’re supposed to be happy, right?

put up your smiley faces and say

the cliched happy new year’s wishes

when there’s absolutely nothing new

with you.

how to get out

how to escape the inevitable misery

please,

let me know.

t.l.

winner

how to avoid the hurt

but to self-create something more agonizing

so you forget about what’s really aching?

am i addicted to pain

am i incapable of happiness

why this urge to destroy every last thing

that’s good?

what am i missing

why do you make me this way

being in war with myself

and the darker part always managed

to win.

t.l.

Stuck

isn’t it better to live in the future

where all your dreams become true

isn’t it better to live in the past

where all your pain runs loose

i keep forgetting who i am

wearing this forever changing shell,

unhappiness dwells onto me

like gum at the bottom of my new shoe

my cat is screaming at midnight

the hour seems longer each day

i’m so tired but i can’t stay here

otherwise i’ll never wake up again.

t.l.

train-wreck

as you were waiting

for the right train to arrive

stepped closer to the platform

you did it unconsciously

you went for the next available train

that would pick up your rotten soul

going somewhere you don’t wanna go

but how could you get off

it’s nice in here

so familiar, yet so exciting

the pain you’re feeding

it’s real, it’s addicting

you know

now there’s only option left,

Jump.

t.l.

the end

everyone is waiting

for the ending

but when it actually comes

no one wants that at all.

they said, they will love

your everything

your shame, your scar

“but oh please,

keep that monster far

away from me

i’m already too sad

to deal with your shit“, they said.

out of sight, out of mind

i always see it so clearly

when i’m out in the sea

when the only things that matter

are the waves, and my feelings

and i know for sure

that i deserve better

but why couldn’t i just jump out

of this already broken boat?

t.l.