now I understand how it’s like
to get lost in someone’s eyes
like you’re gasping for air
every second of the way
like your knees turn into water
and you could hardly make a sound
you wanted to stand your ground
but you’re flowing towards her like
all streams to the ocean.
t.l.
when you tried to fit a ring
that doesn’t fit,
you could lose all sensation in your finger
or the ring would fall out forever.
t.l.
the same goes for a wrong lover.
when life suddenly hits
you started to ask
am i too fucking sensitive ?
all the things that you did
stayed in your mind
forever like an old scratchy cd
playing the embarrassing past
over and over again like eating breakfasts
you keep lying to yourself
that as long as you have
one of those things
you’ll be happy
alter the memories
make them tragic
lay in bed for days
cry at 5am
sad and broken
who are you anyway?
say, did you miss it?
are you going back
for the knife or for the blood
hurting oneself or hurting others
so hard to choose
maybe you’d do both
this time, maybe you’d manage to
shoo everyone away.
t.l.
poetry is where clouds grow on trees
poetry is where there’s no misery
poetry is where i get praised for being needy
poetry is where death is pretty
poetry is where love isn’t scary
poetry is where i can be my darkest self
poetry is where i am most like me.
t.l.
that’s why i never want to leave.
you asked,
if i would get sick again
and for a brief second,
i forgot that i’m a broken vase
the one that recovered from almost drowning
i keep myself busy from thinking about dying
but does that mean i’m totally healed?
i kept thinking about what Matt Haig said,
“the best thing about rock bottom is the rock part”
but what if i’m not rock but fragile porcelain
if i couldn’t make it out alive in the end
would you still like me then?
if i collapsed into a thousand pieces
would you still stay here with me?
t.l.
i don’t want to be a disaster today
can i be a beautiful Jackson Pollock’s number 5, 1948?
two things
i wanna keep closest to me
one is you
another is my sanity.
t.l.
there you go again
work until you forgot time again
kiss her until you escaped time again
cry your heart out until you passed out again
listen to that same song until your ears bursted again
run so fast like the stars were chasing you again
drive so far from the people until you hit the curb again
lie awake at night until your head was spinning again
believe in what she said until your whole body shook again
trying to give it all even though you’re scared to death again
hoping to find love, this time not in your head,
again.
t.l.
my phone screen snapped in half
my limbs kept bumping into furniture legs
the photos are fading,
i think we’d better lay it down
you said time will heal
that our fights would play out
we would reach a place where calm is found
no more crying, we hoped to discover the hurricane eye
but we can’t turn water into wine
no matter how much we tried
you know that, right?
t.l.
we can’t save it anymore
as long as i’m not running out of things to write
i am still worthy, right?
t.l.
there’s no time to waste
we’re all going to die anyway
take the leap and change your hair
hug your shoulders and cut your nails
love them, and expect nothing back
kiss them, and know that your heart is beating
forgive them, and save your tears for happy times
run after them, there’s no shame in begging
it’s okay to be vulnerable, to be broken
to think about dying but also want so badly to live
it’s okay to love yourself again and again
and let others love you too.
t.l.
Tsunami of Words 