Lucky

You said i was too lucky

To never have to walk

Through the Forest of Darkness

Until my heels bleed,

Hear the sounds of the fighter planes

Going above my roof,

Run against the B-52 bombs

Striking across the sky

Like lightning, like clipped-wing butterflies.

You said I was too lucky to have freedom

In the palm of my hands

Never have to pray to God 

For food and shelter,

For coming home alive after the war

Never have to lay awake at night

Wishing there would be no shooting stars in the sky.

i was lucky, because i was born your daughter

I had everything handed to me since i could remember

A pen, so i could study well and pass all the exams

Not to write these silly good-for-nothing poems

A piano, so our house would always have music

Even when someone was shouting and someone else was crying

A lego house, so I know how much you love me

Even when you weren’t at home

An expectation, so I would grow up nicely

Go to school, get to work, have a husband, and a few kids 

Isn’t that lucky? 

I was lucky, because when I came out as bisexual

You said I still have hope

I was just lost at the crossroads, a T-section

I could choose the path that is easier

Or I could get lost in this dark and tragic one

I was lucky, you said, because I am still a girl

Underneath all the rage and anger and frustration

I still have a way out, you said, and you wish

That I will finally choose what is best for me.

And so, I kept quiet, I nodded

I smiled so things can move on 

In a couple months you’d sit down with me

“Time is running out”, you said

But i feel like it’s for both of us

What is scarier? A daughter who won’t get married

Or a ticking bomb inside the house

A daughter who can’t find herself a man

Or being lost in a maze trying to find the way out

When you can see the exit sign as clear as day.

And here I stood, at 4 a.m

In the rain, crying my heart out

I know now that saying

sorry for the 99th times

Still doesn’t mean you won’t make the mistake again

Saying yes to everything doesn’t make you the good daughter

I know now that freedom isn’t accepting

Freedom isn’t being quiet

Freedom isn’t scared of hurting your loved one’s feelings

So you’d stay in your shell forever

Freedom doesn’t cost anything

But I was the one who put a price on it. 

t.l.