freak show

i’m a three-hour freak show

i can go up fast and down slow

i often laugh when I wanted so hard to cry

i squeezed the toothpaste from the middle

sometimes too much, sometimes too little.

my limbs just move on their own

i often don’t feel my weight or feel too much

like death, i’m so certain but so erratic

my brain thinks i’m an ugly genius

but my heart says i’m an unloveable romantic.

i can only do both,

the calm and the crazy

the euphoria and the melancholy

the affection and the distance

the “you’re my best friend I hate you”

and the “you’re hurting me please stay”.

t.l.

told myself to reach for the sky

while pulling out all of my feathers.