What does life expect of us? What do we expect from life?

Long time no see. I know I haven’t been writing lately. I have been applying for jobs here and there but I realize, this is what I do because everyone else is doing it and it is expected of me. “A young person should get up and work”, my mum said.

I totally understand, we should all work. But working doesn’t always mean waking up at 8am and get home at 6pm and repeat until you can no longer work. I have been told to study when I’m young, work when I’m older, marry, have a family and live a happy life. But life isn’t just about that routine. And sometimes when my body is telling me to do something else than just following that set routine, my mind get lost in the process.

I used to think of what I am becoming in 5 years and I always have an answer, that is to become a musician, to have my own studio and make my own music. I know that my skills aren’t enough to debut as a musician or singer so I chose a more “behind the scenes” path: to work in the music industry as a producer or manager. However, when I am offered a job in that direction, I hesitated.

During my 2 years back home, I have learned more about the showbiz industry. I understand that everyone has to strive and sometimes they have to push others down to move ahead. I completely empathize with artists who have suffered from anti-fan and bad comments online. And I don’t know if I can be a part of that competitive, dramatic and bling bling industry.

I wanted to be something big. I wanted to make a lot of money and make a change. I wanted to show everybody of what I am capable of. But now,

I want to be something small and I want to do something I love. More importantly, I want to show myself of what I can do.

I want to wake up in the morning feeling like myself the most, living life to the fullest by doing what I love and hopefully life will give me some meanings.

However, in order to reach that, I have to get over the expectations of others, I have to learn that I cannot make everyone happy.

So now, I will post at least a poem a day. It doesn’t have to be good poetry. It just has to be mine.

t.l.