Shrink

My mother told me to lower my voice

That my laugh is too much

That people will judge

“Eat less, smile more. No one will love those sad eyes”

When I was ten, I was told Music will not bring warmth into beds

That I should learn how to count instead

One two three four five six I counted my tears until I fell asleep

I was never the pretty one

I must prove my worth

If I shrink myself into something men can fit in their pockets

Bow my head and keep quiet and they might not notice I was even there

“Be smart but not too smart”

“Lie and lie until they believe you”

Too much rings on my body Too much ink on my skin

My mother cried and blamed herself for not understanding why

Sometimes I laid in bed for days

I never saw the sun or heard the birds sing

The room felt bigger, my hands seem smaller

I must shrink until no one can see me

Then maybe I can finally be “me”.

t.l.