Avoidant Lover

you said,

“why are you being so kind? why give when you can take?”

I guess I thought I was sensitive and passionate and I love with all my heart; but I don’t. I learned not to give it all because then what am I am left with if they decide to leave me?

Love is always conditional but I wish it could be different. Being kind has its price to pay but I wish I could learn from my mistakes. I wish I could stop blaming myself for every bad things that ever happened to me.

I will run because that’s the best thing I do. I will run away from these words, I will run from my true feelings, I will run from a job, I will run from a degree, I will run from a party, I will run from you and I will probably run away from myself one day.

I give up so easily like I was born to do it. I can’t remember when was the last time I fought for anything. I can’t remember the feeling of being in control of everything and knowing my self-worth. “What has happened?”, I wondered. What has made me who I am today?

I guess all I know is I am filled with flaws and scars I don’t even want to admit. And that’s okay. Those are what makes us human. Mistakes and flaws are what make us who we are today. And I will love all of them as I love my whole self.

t.l.